A glimpse of my life as a homeschooling mama of 4.
Some things we do, and would benefit deeply from doing more often in our home.
Discipleship = I am for the sake of this system define this as shaping our live and the lives of our children to be like Christ and in complete alignment with the Kingdom of God
Some foundational points:
Scripture is so simple and yet so deep, so within our grasp and yet completely beyond our grasp… How in the world do we become more like Jesus and teach our children to do so as well. Humanly speaking alone it is impossible. There is an our part (the small doable thing) and a God part (the huge impossible miraculous supernaturally awesome portion).
Here is what I am discovering: Our part really boils down to one simple thing:
We need to choose Jesus and the Kingdom, we need to choose blessing and life and not curses and death. We need to choose to obey, we need to choose to walk by faith and not by sight.
Setting our Children up for success and godliness:
Thankfully, the only thing we need to do, is the only thing we are capable of doing, we need to CHOOSE.
Choosing is an act of will. Wherever we have been given freedom to choose, we have a responsibility to choose God and His Kingdom.
What choosing is not. Choosing is not an emotion (our emotions may in fact feel quite contrary to our choice)… choosing is not a physical sensation (I can by an act of will choose to agree with the fact that God has healed me and still not see physical manifestation of healing)… I can choose to accept the free gift of salvation and choose to rejoice about being saved even though condemning thoughts still come and try to tempt me and lie to me saying that I am still a hopeless sinner condemned to the grave or hell.
If we ask children to do what they are simply incapable of doing, we are setting them up for frustration, guilt, failure, anger, and hopelessness… not to mention we are setting them up to feel judged, rejected, condemned and ultimately we have established fertile ground for apathy, passive aggressiveness, isolation, perfectionism, self-hatred, feeling unloved and unlovable and in extreme cases rejecting of our values, of us as parents, and ultimately rejecting God and His Word. Not good. When we parent from a place of putting value on children obeying from a place strictly of “children obey your parents” because the Bible says so…. But asking the impossible… we are putting them in direct confrontation with God’s Word as the source of all these negative feelings and experiences… How can we expect so much more from our kids than we can do ourselves?
If we can encourage our children instead to embrace the fact that they have free will choices to make that have eternal impact and earthly impact and train them to perceive these opportunities as part of their habitual every day lives, wouldn’t that be better?
So many of us know this verse from Proverbs… I think it is a wonderful verse for children to learn at a young age.
“Though the righteous fall down seven times, they get back up” my paraphrase
The Approach (Practical what does it look like really)
Our new approach to child training……
Following God’s Sign Posts
To pray:
Ask for eyes to see, ears to hear, ability to understand God’s Word and hear God’s voice, the gift of discernment and discerning of spirits.
Foundations for this approach.
Even the righteous will fall and fail multiple times on the narrow way. Falling is not failing. It is part of the journey. How do we get up and learn from these falls?
When you study out scripture, eventually it becomes evident that the only thing God ever requires us is to choose rightly. The things we choose to do most consistently, most often will ultimately shape our lives. These will become the habits that we run on even when on autopilot mode. The more choices we can train ourselves and our children to make habitually to do the godly thing, the easier and more consistently their lives will progress towards godliness.
Treat your children’s character flaws, ungodly behavior, lack of maturity etc as falling down, not as failure at all times. Forget what lays behind, give them a fresh opportunity to hit the mark and then start over. Don’t replay past failures… once it’s repented for, move on. If they fall again, treat it as a first offense. Where applicable, apply your family consequences and rewards system. Guard your heart against record keeping and bringing up past offenses especially in your own heart and attitude towards your child. Our goal is to help them to develop their own ability to discern when they have gone off the straight and narrow path and to help them back on track. That the internalized scripting, our voice, the voice they will hear in their own heads long after we stop speaking, is one that encourages them to repentance, to complete and utter dependence on God for any and every good thing that is produced in and through their lives, and to set their paths always according to godliness.
The How it works: We encourage our children often (through scheduled and unscheduled times throughout our day) to build up a foundation of God’s truth and Word in their hearts and minds and reinforce this throughout the day as we naturally “fall down” and “fall away” from God’s plan for our lives and homes.
The tool that helps us do that:
Sign Posts
I plan to construct these out of brown paper and white paper. Picture a wood post like you would see at a crossroads. Now picture 2 arrows, one fat and overly large and one narrow and overly small, almost tough to read. Write on the fat arrow, the easy worldly thing to do and on the skinny one, God’s narrow way on that topic.
Example
Wide arrow =Using Idle, mean, harsh, provoking, judgemental, accusing Words
Narrow arrow =The law of kindness on our lips
First thing in the morning, do a devotional about the law of kindness and what God has to say about kind words, encouraging words, loving words vs the ugly, unhelpful etc words…. Create a signpost that you put in a book or on a wall.
Do a PAUSE (see below) time together and ask each person to ask God to show them where they have been choosing the way that leads to death and curses instead of to life abundantly, blessings and godliness. Encourage each to confess before God and others what they hear.
Pray a blessing over each child for God to empower them through His Holy Spirit (see the fruit of the Spirit and you will quickly see that God is the only source for whatever it is they need to overcome whatever challenges they are facing).
Philippians 2:13 New Living Translation (NLT) “13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”
We are teaching them
- that human effort accomplishes nothing on it’s own
John 6:63 New Living Translation (NLT) 63 The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life.
- That all things are possible in and through Christ
Philippians 4:13 King James Version (KJV)13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Matthew 19:26 King James Version (KJV) 26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
- That faith in His Word will enable us to overcome every obstacle
Matthew 17:20 King James Version (KJV) 20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
- That even faith is a by-product of the choice (act of will) to consistently read and pay attention to/meditate on God’s Word. It is a guaranteed promise if you hear God’s Word (really hear it not just have it on as background noise), it will produce faith.
Romans 10:17 King James Version (KJV) “17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”
- Creating a habit/lifestyle/mindsets/rituals into their daily lives that has the power to transform their hearts/their bodies/their habits/ their thinking into the likeness of Christ. We are preparing the soil to be receptive to the Word and providing a foundation of a disciplined lifestyle which is a key foundation to lifelong DISCIPLESHIP
As you read, you will soon discover that the Bible is just overflowing with these signposts. Add one at a time and only introduce the next one as needed (you are finding yourself dealing with an issue repeatedly that requires consistent training) or as you see deep roots established on the last one that you were working on.
Some more things to think about:
Choosing happens on many levels:
What we let into our minds via our senses has a huge impact on what we will ultimately choose. God calls this attribute PURITY. Remaining pure is the simplest and most EFFECTIVE way of guarding your heart/mind. It is potentially the hardest thing to maintain and takes the most pro-active work to protect and guard. Every image you see, every sound, word you hear, everything you touch, taste, smell… all things related to the natural senses can potentially tempt you to partake of something impure and embrace it as good and healthful/beneficial.
We see this show down in the garden of Eden…
Genesis 3 “ Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made.He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You[a] shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” 2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” 4 But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5 For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,[b] she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.”
In exploring this account, we see how purity was direct attack and that the serpent’s goal was to entice Eve to see the appeal of the forbidden fruit. We hear how quickly her sense lined up with this line of thinking and how easy it was to break God’s commandment once this rational way of thinking about the situation kicked in..
Perhaps you have heard the serpent in statements like this today:
“You can’t keep your children in a bubble, better to expose them and teach them how to deal with the world and the evil out there so they will be better equipped to manage”
“you are really doing your child a disservice. If you shelter them too much when they are young they will _______________ when they are older” (I left it blank on purpose as I do not choose to add anything else to what has already been spoken into your own mind on this topic…
I hear statements like this all the time. He values us being innocent as babes regarding the things that are evil. Here are some verses to consider in this regard.
Matthew 10:16 “6 “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”
1 Corinthians 14:20 “Dear brothers and sisters, don’t be childish in your understanding of these things. Be innocent as babies when it comes to evil, but be mature in understanding matters of this kind.”
Philippians 4:8 [Full Chapter]
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Ephesians 5:11-12 ESV “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. “
John 6:29 New Living Translation (NLT) 29 Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”
John 5:37-40 English Standard Version (ESV) 37 And the Father who sent me has himself borne witness about me. His voice you have never heard, his form you have never seen, 38 and you do not have his word abiding in you, for you do not believe the one whom he has sent. 39 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, 40 yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.
Something we are doing…
P -Pause, Pray, Practice
A -acknowldege, apologize, ask forgiveness
U -let the peace in your heart act as Umpire – Colossians 3:15
S -start over
E -encourage one another
When emotions or situations are starting to go in the wrong direction, i find myself getting sucked in and my voice rising and my own emotional control waning.. I know it is time for a pause
This pause in the action of our day is a refocus time. To get back on course to Kingdom behavior.
P- Pray, cry out to the Father for mercy, kindness, perspective whatever is needed in the moment. Practice, chances are the scripts that your kids are naturally inclined to simply ruled the moment… they were likely reacting… so we need to re-play the positive script, behavior response for them to refresh their memory and train them giving them direction as to how to respond better.
A – Once they have been reminded what it was supposed to look like, encourage each one to acknowledge and take full responsibility and apologize for their part (no finger pointing, you can remind them of what the ideal is and then ask them to reconsider if there is anything else)… don’t worry if they miss something, if it is an ongoing issue, another training opportunity will present itself soon enough…
U – once peace has been restored, it is time to move on, remind each one to pay attention to that peace and to hit the PAUSE button anytime they catch themselves falling out of peace in their heart
S- Start over, clean slate. Perfect opportunity for do-over.
E- Encourage one another. Focus on positive and encouraging communication for the next 5-10 minutes to get teh ball rolling in the right direction….. encourage each to find 5-10 encouraging thing to say to someone else….
Healing and Discipleship 