In 2016, we walked through one of the most difficult valleys of my life, the loss of my precious mother.   It was a two year process and a wilderness time in which God met me countless ways and proved Himself abundantly and exceedling faithful in my life.     Below is a snapshot of how God prompted me to share the gospel with my mom.  I believe this was taylor expressed, for her ears and heart but believe it will bless others as it blessed me.   So I share….

“My Dearest Mommy, You are a gift and a treasure, more precious than I ever recognized. I have undervalued and taken you for granted for so many years… The devotion and love you have poured out over my life all these years have been the foundation, the strength of my life, my lifeline when I was in danger, my comfort when I was in pain both physically and emotionally. Just knowing that you were there, and that you would come and be there if I needed you, gave me a confidence, a reassurance, a place or refuge and safety to run to in an hour of need. Your presence and dedication and love have permeated my whole life.

It is the nature of a child to explore, to pursue, to taste, to push the limits, to climb out on many limbs and to see things through the eyes of “me, mine and my”, with little to no thought about the one who is their protective shade. I think of a day at the beach with my children, and just how much work and for thought goes into it all. The gear, the reapplying of sunscreen, the food to eat, the toileting tools, the need for constant vigilance to protect my dear ones from the sun, the waves, the sand, the bugs, strangers etc…. The child’s experience, is one of joy and discovery, sand between the toes, the warmth of basking in the sun , the refreshment of a foot dipped in cool waters on a hot day, the sensation of water and power rushing through ones fingers as you splash in the waves. And then one day, I woke up and I was the parent and realized the cost of such a day, multiplied over the many years, decades even it takes to raise up a young family. You are a steadfast and loving Mom, I am so thankful for the millions of gifts, cares, pre-cautions, provisions and expressions of loving devotion that you have lavished me with throughout my lifetime. I LOVE YOU beyond what any words could possibly express!!!!”

This was the beginning of the last note and letter that I read to my Dear sweet Mommy, just a couple of weeks before she died.

Even as moment by moment and hour by hour, memories pop up, bittersweet in this particular hour… I wish I could remember more, and have more photos, and have a way of putting all of these things into a place where I can look at them over and over again and treasure them all the days of my life. A place where my children can see and hear about their loving “Gran”.

A legacy of love and dedication. My mom chose a path and laid down much for us to have the childhood that we had. She chose to stay home, chose to live simply without lavish trips and expensive lifestyles. My childhood memories are ones of joy and freedom. Birthdays with bunny cakes, jelly bean hunts and coloring contests. Christmas’s with new nightgowns, a homemade necklace, Christmas carols on Christmas Eve at one of the big old churches in downtown Montreal. Stories and books lovingly read (something that I now do with my own children who all love books).. Hours spent sitting outside my bedroom door as I fell asleep to protect me from the “monsters” hiding under my bed and in my closet. Our yearly trips to visit our relatives in the States… Every holiday and family trip infused with traditions. Now a treasure trove of memories to look back upon

Through my mom’s example, I have learned that to serve is a powerful way to love and give back to others. She has volunteered for as long as I can remember and this heart of service was an integral part of our home too.

My Mom was a great teacher… And thoughtfully considered so much of what she exposed us to and taught us. It turns out that she read to us almost exclusively from books that had won awards and that so many things that I can remember from my childhood are now meticulously outlined in books about how to provided your children with the best start in life. I am not sure how she knew these things but they seemed to flow so naturally from her, so effortlessly and easily.

Even in her last month of life, I was learning from my mom and dad. I woke up one Friday morning with a letter on my heart, one that I needed to write and read to my precious mother that day. As I wrote down the words that were pouring from my heart, I realized that it was through her example that I had first tasted true, enduring and sacrificial love. All these a reflection of the greatest love of all, that of a Loving Lord and Heavenly Father. My first real experience with heaven on earth. I have been blessed with a great mother, an excellent mother, a loving mother.

I am going to share my story of the last month of my mother’s life here on earth in the hopes that it will bring some peace and encouragement to others. I received a call from my sisters saying that it was time to come, and to come now as Mom had taken a turn for the worse. I was hoping beyond all hope that there would be another rally, another turn, and of course more time. Mom handled herself with such courage and forbearance throughout this whole thing. I was struck by how beautiful she looked with her short white hair and how much it made her beautiful blue eyes pop out. My Mom has always been a stunning lady. Even in the hospital room she was gracious with us all.

During this visit, my Dad said something to me that struck me. He said “I’m glad you came. The picture isn’t complete when you’re not here.” I must have given him a funny look because then he said “I don’t think you understand what you bring to this family”
So back to the Friday morning, I woke up and started pouring out my heart on paper. And what I saw on that page, was a reflection, in part, of Christ. For the first time I realized, I mean, really realized just how wonderful a mom I had been blessed with. I was overwhelmed and needed to tell my Mom that day just how much I love her and how much she means to me.

Now mom and I did not talk much about God, in fact, if the topic came up, she was the first to leave the room. Understanding this, I didn’t bring it up in her presence much over these last 2 years. But on that Friday, I learned something new about God, I experienced His love on a greater level than I ever had before, and again, my dear Mom and Dad played a huge part.

As I watched my Mom go through this storm, I realized that all those things that had awakened in her own heart, a true mother’s heart, all the unconditional love and acceptance, all the giving, the protecting, the caring, the intense hurting that a parent feels when there child is in danger, everything.. I could see my Heavenly Father feeling all of these same things towards my precious Mom. And for the first time, the Gospel, the Good News, made sense to me at a whole new level.

My dad’s words echoing in my heart, I realized that my Mom was God’s child, His creation, before she was anybody else’s. That He was going to miss her for all of eternity if she didn’t come home. That it didn’t matter what had gone on from the moment she entered this word (out of his immediate and complete protective care) to the moment she would go home, that as a loving Father, He would always miss her and there would always be a hole, a sense of incompleteness if she wasn’t there. No, it wasn’t a condemning, lecturing, angry Father waiting for her but a loving Father, an infinitely patient Father, a Father who was longing to hug, to console and comfort, to shelter and to protect from all pain and suffering. So simple I had missed it.

“All who call on the name of the Lord will be saved” Romans 10:13

And so, I shared these things with my Mom. And let her know that her “Papa in heaven was on call, and if she cried out to Him in Jesus name, He would come and take her home” I didn’t speak with her about these things again.

The night before she died, I dreamed of my Mom. It was the only dream I can remember her being in the whole time she was sick. She was herself, her hair was long and brown and it was her own. She gave me a hug. I told her I loved her and that I would much rather see her “in this place”, in the spirit, than “in that place” what she was looking like in the hospital bed. And then I woke up. It was my goodbye as she left that day. I have a lovely group of ladies who pray with me often and have being praying for Mom often throughout this challenging time. One of these sweet ones shared with me that on the morning Mom died, she was praying for her and suddenly joy came and this hymn started running through her mind. “To God be the Glory”.

There is of course more to this story, but there always is. And for those who appreciate these things, I would be happy to share. Please forgive me for those that sharing these things might offend or anger. I know for some that these things would be a great comfort and source of hope. I believe my Mom is with her “Papa in Heaven” and with her 3 grandbabies that went on ahead of the rest of us.

A forever thankful daughter,