We have walked through the loss/early translation of a child in the womb to the Kingdom of God three times now.    The first time was relatively devastating, so for those who are in that place, I can absolutely still relate.  Since then I have spent many hours at the Father’s knee and in the Word, which I can report, praise God, has absolutely changed everything.   Our most recent loss happened just this past month.   I will not share details as I do not want to stir up difficult memories etc.   But I will share about my experience of God’s faithfulness through this time.

This will be more of  a testimony of my own experience, not so much as a how to or this is definitively what scripture says on the matter.   The details and situations and personalities etc involved in each individual and the preciousness and heart investment that we have in our children is so intense and yet so variable that to suggest that to suggest in any way that there is some easy way to wash away the pain and sting of loss would be callous and no doubt hurtful to many.   That is not my intention at all in sharing. My hope is to navigate through this testimony with tenderness, love and compassion.

I unexpectedly have found myself in a place of absolute joy and peace, of wonder and awe at His Goodness and amazement of how time and time again He reveals Himself in my darkest hours and reveals how the brightness and goodness of Him and His Kingdom can prevail and consume the sorrow and grief.  I am well spiritually, mentally and physically, miraculously so.

The back story… From the moment our youngest daughter was born, I have had the sense that God has one more for us.   Every thought I had to start redistributing our baby items was immediately followed by the thought… “I have one more for you”.   My track record of hearing is not perfect, but in this matter it would be hard to miss.    In my present understanding, I believe that it is impossible to conceive a child that God has not first created in His own heart.   This works well as my husband simply loves children and would have as many as came as long as we gave ourselves some space between each, so he is delighted by the thought of another.     I simply pray and seek His will and then do my part in the natural to see what I hear fulfilled.   This simplicity is the hallmark of what I wish my whole walk with the Lord could be.

Also for the last 2 years, I have felt directed to read Psalm 87 over and over again.    I have been puzzled and baffled by why the Lord would direct me there so I kind of just chuckled each time and committed it to Him and asked Him to reveal to me why this Psalm.

So it was with great joy that we received the news of another pregnancy confirmed.   And on the morning we discovered the pregnancy was threatened, it was this verse that came to mind instantly.   I have meditated on this verse and rolled it through my mind so many times since.    And in it I have discovered the fullness of joy and peace for all three of my Zion babies.    I have 7 children….  3 of them got to skip the pains and suffering of this present world and were able to go right from the warmth and nurture of the womb to the city of our God.   I have spent time and plan to spend even more pondering that even the gates of this holy city are more beloved by God than all of the dwellings of Jacob… There is simply no place on earth that is comparable to the glory, splendour, perfection, peace and love that permeate Zion.     Three precious children who will never experience the sting of my shortfalls and sin, never have to deal with pain and sickness and who will never have to question the Father’s love for them.    I am in AWE of His goodness.

On that morning, three giants loomed up in front of me.    Fear, doubt and shame.   The first two did not surprise me.  The third took me totally off guard.     Fear of death was undone by the revelation of the “alternative” birth location awaiting my precious child.  To think of that birth certificate (record of birth more rightly) recording that this one was born in Zion, the city of our God makes me laugh out loud for joy.      The realizaion that the worst case scenario was not in fact death, as truly death has lost it’s sting and power and has been reduced in capacity to merely expedite the translation process from the Kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of the Son.     As this reality sunk in, doubt had no leg to stand on….

So what remained was shame….   What would “they” say?    There was a chorus of different they’s bombarding my thoughts endlessly.    So thankful that we had just talked about the verse in the Bible that shares that Jesus simply “pushed aside” the shame of what He was walking through and refused to receive it’s assignments and pain.    I found my heart drawn continually to the revelation that my audience was One only, and for Him I am to live and breath and praise.

And so I praised and thanked Him.   I thanked Him that in a fallen world, my body is so incredible that it knows what to do to carry a child to term and then birth them but also is wired and designed to handle when this is not possible.  I thanked Him for His goodness in giving me the verses that brought back joy and hope and peace.  I thanked Him for Jesus.  For the wonder of His creation.  I took a walk and stared at the sky and the trees and every bit of His handiwork I could set my eyes on and thanked Him for the magnificent details.    I thanked Him for the dear and precious friends He has surrounded me with.  For the financial provision to seek out whatever help we need through this season etc…

Perhaps you have heard the song “I’ll Raise and Hallelujiah” by Bethel…   This song came flooding into my life during this season.   It was and is the song track to this chapter in my life.

Psalm 87 Kvving James Version (KJV)  “87 His foundation is in the holy mountains.  2 The Lord loveth the gates of Zion more than all the dwellings of Jacob.  3 Glorious things are spoken of thee, O city of God. Selah.  4 I will make mention of Rahab and Babylon to them that know me: behold Philistia, and Tyre, with Ethiopia; this man was born there.  5 And of Zion it shall be said, This and that man was born in her: and the highest himself shall establish her.  6 The Lord shall count, when he writeth up the people, that this man was born there. Selah.7 As well the singers as the players on instruments shall be there: all my springs are in thee.”

I am personally blessed beyond measure and in awe of God’s faithfulness and grace, and overwhelmed with His joy in this area of our lives.  I felt led to Psalm 87 when we found out that this pregnancy was being threatened and the reality of Zion’s Babies sunk in so deep that now there is great joy at the knowledge of three precious ones dwelling with the Father in a place that far exceeds in beauty and wonder every possible home on earth.

We will not be jumping through any hoops to make things happen but we are both praying about and listening to the Lord about how to better care for ourselves.    As a family, we are so thankful for your gracious responses, loving care and ongoing prayer support.

I believe that we will have our “handful” yet and that a precious, vigorous, little blessing will come on the scene sometime in the near future.  I don’t think those promptings to not purge the baby things was for naught.   For the moment we are taking a small pause to build up the storehouses both spiritually and naturally.

One of the hardest things has been knowing who to share the details of our journey with simply because it is a road rarely travelled.    The moment a pregnancy is confirmed of course, our own hearts have fallen completely in love with our child.    Culturally, we tend to encourage silence and for family’s who experience the loss of a child in early pregnancy to mourn silently and to carry the burden and fears of early pregnancy privately.   Many have open heart wounds from these kinds of losses and have lost hope that even these can be healed.   I believe that Christ came to heal the broken hearted and that there must therefore be someway of removing these elements that force those suffering into silent and persisting pain.    I question if this really lines up with the scriptural mandate to pray for those who are at risk and walking through challenging times.

Psalm 87 has blessed me immensely.    It has come to the place where it just pops to my heart and joy overwhelms me of the knowing that even the consolation promise is beyond wonderful for a mama’s heart to imagine.     There is no death, therefore no sting of death, only total pre-translation to the Kingdom.  It is from overflow not effort that I can sing praises to the Lord.  I personally receive great joy in simply doing the best I can to do all I am prompted to do.   from a Kingdom perspective, the promise 100% sure.

There are losses to grieve of course.  The facts that God’s purposes and plans for each child will not be fulfilled and of course the personal delight and joy I would feel in holding and raising these children  would be foremost on my own heart.  But I do not linger on these things as they are beyond my ability to change.  It reminds me so much of when David prayed and fasted earnestly so long as his child lived but then immediately cleaned up and went right to praising God when the matter was established and beyond his capacity to change.

One of my children that is here was conceived two months after the Zion birth of another.    I know 100% had the one who was born there had been full term here, my precious child here would simply not exist.    I strongly doubt that I would ever have taken on the task for raising and caring for 7 and yet 7 now exist, eternal souls, 3 safely settled with the Father…   God’s goodness defies all my understanding every single time.

Philippians 3:13-14 King James Version (KJV)  “13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Whenever and wherever there is a promise from God, there is a thief who is desperate to derail and neutralize it’s fulfillment.    Thank God that He who is in us is far greater than He who is in the world.     For every family willing to have the support, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have whole communities praying for these precious ones the moment we learn of a family who is expecting to be expecting?

AND  we are in no way discouraged or derailed from believing what God’s Word says about pregnancy and childbirth.    We have each  been having many talks with God on this subject.   His Promises on this are 100%.  Exodus 23 says plainly that none shall miscarry.  Scripture says nothing shall by any means harm us and that great shalom is poured out on our children.  That God watches over the vineyard and keeps it from all harm etc… We are delivered from the Kingdom of darkness, from the beggarly elements of this world and death has truly lost its power here.  The truth is the promises have gotten so big in my our hearts that anything else is beyond possibility.   So we will keep our eyes fixed there and walk as He leads us to walk knowing that He who has promised is as has always been faithful.   We believe  God’s report.

I will create another separate post with the promises I know  and to serve as a signpost and encouragement for those who are expecting to be expecting or are expecting presently.

Do let me know if I have failed to communicate any part of this post with sensitivity and love.

With much love and in Christ,

Lisa

Colossians 3:2-4 King James Version (KJV)  “2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.  3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.  4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.  ”

Hebrews 11:5 King James Version (KJV) “5 By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God.”

Philippians 1:22-24 King James Version (KJV)” 22 But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. 23 For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: 24 Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.”

2 Peter 1:13-15 New International Version (NIV) “13 I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, 14 because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 15 And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.”

2 Corinthians 5:7-9 King James Version (KJV) “7 (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)  8 We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.  9 Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.”

The central thing is to live to please Him.   Which for those of us here means living for His glory in spite of and in the midst of and overcoming all things in Christ for his glory.    The more I meditate on these verses, the more I can understand how the disciples out of obedience served out the full number of their days here but also longed for their home coming and putting off the tent (their physical bodies) to be fully present with the Lord.

Philippians 3:20-21 New Living Translation (NLT) “20 But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. 21 He will take our weak mortal bodies and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same power with which he will bring everything under his control.”